Honesty Is Such A Lonely Word

 

Brian Laundrie has been on my mind a lot. What did he do? What will he do? Suicide seems like a viable choice and there are a lot of people that would demand it's a viable option.

At the same time, I do understand rage. How many of us have enjoyed the song, 'Rage Against The Machine,' banging our heads to the tempo as we felt the words they were singing?

The moment of rage is an emotional crisis. Except, several of us would rather deny it. Rage can be addicting. Especially when we are in the midst of trauma bonding with an abuser.

The abuser can be an employer, a co-worker, a life partner, a parent, a sibling, a friend. There are plenty of examples we can reference to identify that moment when we felt outraged.

For those of us that have been to college, it's not difficult to think of a time when a cohort demanded that they just want the answer. When we try to step them into the answer, they can shout, "What's the answer?! I just want the answer!" Some of us fall for that emotional blackmail and some of us walk away. 

Honest liars -- the psychology of self-deception: Cortney Warren at TEDxUNLV

By human nature, we prefer shortcuts so we don't have to struggle for the answer. Except, the struggle is where the answer is found and it is where the learning happens. We remember the painful moments the most and that's where the lessons are learned.

Yet, we project our anger to others while refusing to see where we end and others begin. Sometimes, in that moment of rage, we can make the wrong choice instead of walking away to take a moment to breathe and choosing to find the professional help that can help us navigate through it.

Billy Joel - Honesty (Official Video)

Lyrics

If you search for tenderness

It isn't hard to find

You can have the love you need to live

But if you look for truthfulness

You might just as well be blind

It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word

Everyone is so untrue

Honesty is hardly ever heard

And mostly what I need from you

I can always find someone

To say they sympathize

If I wear my heart out on my sleeve

But I don't want some pretty face

To tell me pretty lies

All I want is someone to believe

Honesty is such a lonely word

Everyone is so untrue

Honesty is hardly ever heard

And mostly what I need from you

I can find a lover

I can find a friend

I can have security until the bitter end

Anyone can comfort me

With promises again

I know, I know

When I'm deep inside of me

Don't be too concerned

I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone

But when I want sincerity

Tell me where else can I turn

'Cause you're the one I depend upon

Honesty is such a lonely word

Everyone is so untrue

Honesty is hardly ever heard

And mostly what I need from you

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Billy Joel

Honesty lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group, Songtrust Ave

Lies We Tell Ourselves

The Feeling Is Real

Having a difficult time imagining what it must be like doesn't mean I don't know pain.

Not having been through the same exact thing doesn't mean that I can't feel sorrow, grief, or moral injury.

It shows in your body. It shows in your face. It shows in your choices in action. It's easy to try to find a way to drown or numb the way we feel.

The struggle is real. We feel what we feel. It hurts and it feels like there won't be any escape.

While the world judges us, criticizes us, demeans us, and shames us for not fitting in their neat little boxes of categories with identifiable properties that make them feel better, we can only hope they will never know how it feels.

Titles don't mean anything. Status doesn't make it better. Power means nothing when we feel so broken. Nobody understands how the hurt is shredding our insides or how our heart aches to feel better.

The feeling is real while our guts feel twisted like horses must feel when they're writhing from colic.

Maybe a drink will numb it, we think. Not realizing that the lie is in "nobody," "everyone," "should," "can't," and "never." The lie is in the phrase, "just smile." While we lash out at demands that we're prettier when we smile.



We don't care about being prettier or making them feel good when they don't understand. How could they?

How could they know what it feels like to have an identity that feels like an empty vessel? How can they know what it feels like to have nothing? How can they know how deep the sorrow goes and how can they know the cracks in our soul?

Maybe they don't. Maybe they don't understand what to say or how to say it. Only certified professionals have the credentials to help us through. Except, we don't want anyone in our heads and picking us apart because the pain of dredging all of that up is too difficult to face.

Maybe I don't know exactly what you feel. How could I? I do know what it is like to feel the sense of hopelessness and helplessness. I do know what it feels like to love and to have lost. I know what it is like to grieve and what it is like to despair.

I know how the chest can ache with sorrow and grief and I do know what it is like to miss someone we love. I also know what it is like to love and to never be loved in the same way we love and what it is like to hate that.

There is a lot that is familiar to me and while I may not understand, I do feel. Many of us are feeling the feels and those that do not understand and cannot love us in return--it was never about us. It was all about them.

Makes me think about so many people. Knowing the pain and choosing a different path. Trying to help and not succeeding. Wanting to take the pain away. To bear the pain for them and knowing the only way out is through.

Lyrics:

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest

Or the girl who never wants to be alone

I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the mornin'

'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Ah-ah, the sun is blindin'

Ah-ah, I stayed up again

Oh-oh, I am findin'

That's not the way I want my story to end

I'm safe up high

Nothing can touch me

Why do I feel this party's over?

No pain inside

You're my protection

But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence

The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth

Please don't tell me that we had that conversation

I won't remember, save your breath 'cause what's the use?

Ah-ah, the night is callin'

And it whispers to me softly, "come and play"

Ah-ah, I am fallin'

And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe up high

Nothing can touch me

But why do I feel this party's over?

No pain inside

You're like perfection

But how do I feel this good sober?

Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down

Spinnin' round, spinnin' round, spinnin' round

I'm lookin' for myself

Sober

Comin' down, comin' down, comin' down

Spinnin' round, spinnin' round, spinnin' round

Lookin' for myself

Sober

When it's good, then it's good

It's all good till it goes bad

Till you try to find the you that you once had

I have heard myself cry, never again!

Broken down in agony

Just tryin' to find a friend

Ohhh

Oh-ohhh

I'm safe up high

Nothing can touch me

Why do I feel this party's over?

(Why do I feel this party's over)

No pain inside

You're like perfection

But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm safe up high

Nothing can touch me

Why do I feel this party's over?

Whoahhh

No pain inside

You're like perfection

But how do I feel this good sober?

(How do I feel this good sober)